Monday, January 30, 2006

Every time I think I've gone over all the major hurdles, something else pops up. Today I had to ship off my Hypnobabies home study kit I sold on eBay, as well as the maternity clothes I had borrowed. I also had to call the dentist office to go back to have a temporary filling replaced. A few weeks before I lost the baby, I had an emergency filling put in. I can't help but wonder if it contributed to her death. I also have been having this pain for a few weeks that goes from my neck, down my left arm and into my left index finger. I finally accepted I would have to go to my primary care doctor. I was dreading it because I would have to tell her about the baby. I hate telling people. Also, her office is in a pediatrics office.
When I got there, there were two baby carriers in the waiting area. One was empty and the other had a blanket over it. After about ten minutes, a lady came in carrying her pharmacy bag and peeked under the her baby! She had left the baby alone in the waiting area while she went to the pharmacy. Next, a lady came in with her baby in the travel system. She was loud and obnoxious. I tried to ignore her, but when she moved to sit near me, she smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. I was disgusted. A few more babies came in while I was waiting.
They finally brought me back to the room. There was a newborn in the next room screaming from shots. When the nurse came in and asked how I thought I hurt myself, I just started crying. The only thing I could think of, was if my neck was in a weird position when I was delivering the baby. I explained the situation and she went to get the doctor, after handing me the tissue box.
My doctor came in and gave me a big hug and just let me talk. She asked if I wanted medication to help me get through this. I told her I really didn't think I needed it. I have to go through the process some time anyway. It may as well be now. She wrote me the prescription anyway. My blood pressure was 155/110 so now I have to go check it every day.


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