Monday, January 30, 2006

Every time I think I've gone over all the major hurdles, something else pops up. Today I had to ship off my Hypnobabies home study kit I sold on eBay, as well as the maternity clothes I had borrowed. I also had to call the dentist office to go back to have a temporary filling replaced. A few weeks before I lost the baby, I had an emergency filling put in. I can't help but wonder if it contributed to her death. I also have been having this pain for a few weeks that goes from my neck, down my left arm and into my left index finger. I finally accepted I would have to go to my primary care doctor. I was dreading it because I would have to tell her about the baby. I hate telling people. Also, her office is in a pediatrics office.
When I got there, there were two baby carriers in the waiting area. One was empty and the other had a blanket over it. After about ten minutes, a lady came in carrying her pharmacy bag and peeked under the blanket....at her baby! She had left the baby alone in the waiting area while she went to the pharmacy. Next, a lady came in with her baby in the travel system. She was loud and obnoxious. I tried to ignore her, but when she moved to sit near me, she smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. I was disgusted. A few more babies came in while I was waiting.
They finally brought me back to the room. There was a newborn in the next room screaming from shots. When the nurse came in and asked how I thought I hurt myself, I just started crying. The only thing I could think of, was if my neck was in a weird position when I was delivering the baby. I explained the situation and she went to get the doctor, after handing me the tissue box.
My doctor came in and gave me a big hug and just let me talk. She asked if I wanted medication to help me get through this. I told her I really didn't think I needed it. I have to go through the process some time anyway. It may as well be now. She wrote me the prescription anyway. My blood pressure was 155/110 so now I have to go check it every day.

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