Thursday, January 26, 2006

It has been four weeks since I gave birth to sweet baby Cami. I miss her every day. I physically ache to have her back. She was a part of me for so long, I feel like I am now a different person. I want to change things around me to match that person. I'm making changes in my home. I'm exercising to change my body. I can't stand the thought of anyone looking at me and thinking I look like I just had a baby. I need to get back to normal some how.
We visited the cemetery on Sunday. It was something I needed to do. For some reason I had all these irrational fears about not being able to locate her grave. I was also afraid it had been vandalized or even that it just wasn't there. The memorial marker company has not been able to contact the cemetery caretaker, so I worry we won't be able to get her grave marked. I felt a great wave of relief when we arrived and saw they had put up a temporary marker. Also, all the flowers from the funeral were still there and most were still in good condition. My husband was upset and my five year old daughter kept saying she was trying not to cry. We told her it was okay to cry if she felt like it.

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