Monday, March 06, 2006

A Lot to Digest

The weekend was not what I expected. My daughter was invited to another birthday party. I told her it was too late to RSVP because I did not want to go. It was to be held in the same place we held her party in December when I was pregnant. An hour or so before the party, I realized I was holding her back to insulate myself. I called the little boy's mom and asked if it was too late to RSVP. I told her about the baby and that I didn't want to ruin the party if people asked about her. She said she already knew about the baby and it was fine to come to the party. I got off the phone and cried.
Fortunately, my husband went with me. We rushed to the store for a gift and then went to the party. We stayed off to the side and didn't really speak to anyone. One mother asked how we were doing. In the end, I'm glad we got that event over and I'm glad I didn't stress about it for days.
We also got the quote for the grave marker and the sample drawing on Saturday. We were not impressed, so I did a new sample on the computer to send to them. We want a rainbow on the marker. The one they did only had four rows. I thought everyone knew there were seven colors in a rainbow. We also wanted pine trees, but they look bad. The new design I made has branches instead of full trees. They had the date on the marker in huge lettering and that really bothered us. I don't want the date to be the most prominent feature on the stone.
Sunday we attended our first homeowners association meeting. I talked to our neighbor, who is pregnant with her sixth. She has five daughters. She told me this one was unexpected. I am happy for people being pregnant, but I don't really want to hear about their babies being mistakes or accidents. She told me my daughter told hers that our baby died because of something I ate. I had a talk with my daughter, who is only five. She said that maybe that is what happened. I explained that wasn't the case. She started tapping her forehead and saying, "hmmmm, what made the baby die?" She was trying to figure it out herself. She suggested maybe a bone broke in my body or the baby didn't get enough food. The she said, "maybe she just had zero choices so she had to die." I had not realized she had been trying to figure it out all this time. I will have to be more conscious of these things.


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