Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter

This is the view from our front yard. I hope you can see the faint one on top of the dark one.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


I can't even describe it as a bean yet. We had our first ultrasound today and were able to see the gestational sac, yolk sac and a little blip. The baby is measuring 5 weeks 6 days. The heartbeat was 126 and the estimated due date is 12/6/06. I cried when I had to complete the form asking about the outcomes of previous pregnancies. It took a long time for the tech to read the heartbeat and she was about to give up. I think if she hadn't been able to track it, I would not have believed I was pregnant. I found this great site that helped me understand our little Blip is right on track.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Mother Has Left The Building

It was a lovely visit, but so hard to contain my little secret! We will certainly miss her, but it is nice to be able to relax. Of course, I'm still hiding it from my daughter and all our friends, family and co-workers. The day after Mom left, I opened the box of maternity clothes my friend had mailed. I looked through everything and then put it all back in the box. I think I am still in denial about this pregnancy.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Lunch Break

Here are some photos I took near Lake Washington yesterday on my lunch break.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Greetings from the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Scope Creep

Hiding a pregnancy is more involved than I originally anticipated. I thought it meant simply tossing the test sticks. I also had to set up a password on my computer so my mom wouldn't see the images or find all the Web sites where I've discussed this. A friend mailed me some maternity clothes and I had to tell my mom she was returning stuff she had borrowed from me and no longer needed.
At work, I'm having to disguise appointments. I have 2 appointments next week. The first I will try to say I need to come in a little late that day. The second I've asked for the morning off so I can meet with the doctor to discuss the autopsy report. This is actually the truth.
I'm also a bit queasy all the time and have to eat constantly. No one has mentioned this yet. I'm still too early to be bulging out of my clothes, but I started wearing bigger shirts just to get people used to it. I wonder how long I will be able to contain myself!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Three Months

It is hard to believe it has been more than three months since we lost our precious little girl. I put her portrait above the fireplace with the rest of the family photos. My mother arrives in town today to stay for a week. I was thinking back to the last time she was here, for the funeral. It seems like it has been so long, but I notice things in my house that have been left in the same place since then.
Our nursery is now a real guest room with a queen bed and night stand with lamp and clock. I'm glad my mother will not have to sleep on a futon, but it is still hard for me to have that room as a guest room. The baby's things are still in the closet, as we just can't seem to build the courage to pack them up. I know they will get dusty, but I am just not ready to put them away.
I feel guilty that I have not been to the cemetery in nearly six weeks. I know she's not really "there," but sometimes I wonder if I should go there out of respect. I love the place and I miss going. My mother wants to go, so I'm sure we will return this week. We still do not have the marker ordered. We are in the design process and one of our contacts is on a month long vacation to Ireland.
I am going to try to keep the new little bean a secret from my mother. It will be a challenge! I want my family to worry about me for as short a period as possible. If I can hold out for a few months, I think it would be best. We get to meet with the doctor on the 13th to go over the final autopsy report. That will probably give us a better idea of our risks with this pregnancy. All I can do is hope that this will be our take home baby!