Wednesday, May 30, 2007


I had the opportunity to record more hours this pay period than I actually worked, and carry them over to the next month. I decided not to take as much as I could have because I don't want to work as much! I owe work an extra 14 hours so I will probably work 20 hours a week next month. Perfect! I'm finding the full time schedule just does not work out with two kids.
I finished my Virtual Worlds trends analysis last week, but so much has changed since then. I now have the revisions from the team as well as new content based on changes that have occurred in the last week. I hope to finalize the document in the next two days and get it off my plate!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I Want to be in the Top 20 Percent!

Zaeden has a new convertible car seat and I installed it this morning. I want to be in the top 20 percent who install car seats correctly. I can't understand why statistics show up to 80 percent of car seats are installed incorrectly. The printed directions seem clear. I followed them precisely. I called the fire station to see when I can come for an inspection.
Now I have to figure out what to do with the little guy when I go to stores. I know he would be able to wriggle his way out of a shopping cart. I think I will need to find a front carrier that fits him. He's got a long torso and chubby legs, so that may be difficult!

Monday, May 28, 2007


Just like last year, I heard a lot of "Happy Memorial Day" around town and online. It isn't really a "happy" holiday, but I think many people just see it as another day off. I did not go to the cemetery this year. In fact, Friday, I was driving around town trying to convince myself I never even lost a baby. I kept replaying the scene where the doctor said, "Unfortunately, the baby has died in the uterus," over and over and telling myself it didn't happen to me. Just as I was fighting the mental battle, the funeral director crossed in front of me in his shiny new mini van and brought me back to reality. I flashed back to him handing us the generic, plastic wrapped teddy bear and telling us we could have our daughter buried with it because it came with the casket. Happy Memorial Day!

Sunday, May 27, 2007


I've been searching for a PhD. program that would hold my attention for longer than a few months. I tend to shift my focus frequently, and that is why I am not sure I could even manage a doc program. With the rapid change in technology, how can anyone study in one concentrated area for 4-6 years? I just don't see it as feasible. I am interested in changing the way we educate in the US.
I do not understand why educators don't recognize that students' brains are completely different now than they were even five years ago. Technology is not just a tool to use in the classroom to present content. If someone doesn't change the system, we are going to end up with an awful lot of troubled, unsatisfied, lost adults in less than a decade. Young people now have all the same knowledge and information as adults in previous generations. They just don't have the ability to reason and judge based on the knowledge. Reasoning and critical thinking should be the foundation of our educational system.
Where can I find a PhD program that will accommodate my beliefs?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


I sense my worlds are about to collide and I am not certain how I feel about that. I have been participating in and moderating Internet discussion groups for 15 years. I have been able to keep my social, professional and family lives separate, but now I think it is taking too much effort.
What I need is an application where I can post everything I would post to different discussion boards, blog, Twitter, etc. and then have the other people/applications pull out what they need, based on my permissions. For example, I may want to brain dump about my family, work, neighbors, etc. all at once, but I don't want them all to see. So I can allow certain people to access certain pieces.
My other thought is that it is possible that I am just a social chameleon and I need to smarten up and just be myself in all scenarios. I need to not hide anything from anyone. I shouldn't be concerned about professional colleagues discovering I'm a real person with a family, hobbies, and faults. I shouldn't worry about my religious parents knowing I don't believe the same thing they do. I should relax about my friends being bored by what I do for a living. Most of all, I think I need to make sure I don't criticise or be spiteful.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Following the Tech Talk

I finally finished my first draft of the Virtual Worlds Trends Analysis and sent the PDF to my boss for editing/proofing last night. The last several months I have been completely absorbed with this project. I have spent hours and hours reading listservs and blogs and trying to keep up with the latest happenings in the world of educational technology.
I began with the intention of learning the least amount possible about virtual worlds in order to present a low level analysis for community college administrators. I soon realized the complexity of the systems and became more involved and immersed. I purchased land, set up a house, attended a building class and bought new hair! I followed the debates and observed social changes. I discovered a world that was so dynamic, I couldn't possibly compose a static, detailed analysis, that wouldn't be obsolete within days.
I finally decided to create a general overview with links to online resources, screen shots of virtual worlds, examples of existing projects and recommendations for addressing typical challenges. I tried to be objective and I hope the final piece doesn't show bias.
Now that I am "free" of this project, I do not want to let go of my daily exploration of Web 2.0 and the latest innovations in Web technologies. I especially enjoy reading blogs and personal accounts of real world application. Whether Web 2.0 exists, or not, there are exciting things happening to motivate people to open their minds and create. I hope my next project allows me to participate in this world!

Monday, May 21, 2007


I think I have about three hours left before I am done with my rough draft. I can't wait to get this project out the door. Here I am with my little helpers last night.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Extensible Mind Markup Language

It is exciting to see all these new products to help me share the inner workings of my mind with the rest of the world. However, I still have to search my mind for relevant commentary and then type and post. Why can't I blog from a hat? I should be able to put on a hat that measures my brain signals, translates them to digital code and then translates that to human language. My thoughts should be tagged and I can select which tags to share with the world and then have them post automatically.
I suppose when this does actually happen, we will no longer need traditional means of communication. Language would be obsolete. I think I will start worrying less about how the WWW has sapped my vocabulary.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

War and Peace

I am not sure if there are any original ideas out there. I know that every time I come up with something, someone else has already thought of it. I was catching glimpses of a show my husband was watching about WWI and something struck me. War is not the opposite of peace. Peace is the absence of war. The world is struggling for an ultimate goal of peace, and I believe peace is not enough.
There is some condition out there that is the opposite of war and I do not know what it is called. Society needs to put as much effort into this condition as they do into war. Where money is spent on war, it should be spent on this. This condition involves constructing buildings, educating people, healing the sick, protecting the environment, creating spaces for all to share.
I no longer seek world peace. I seek a world where citizens have the enthusiasm and energy of warriors, but for a constructive, creative purpose.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Friday Afternoon Delight

My least favorite afternoon discoveries:
  1. The dishwasher didn't run last night
  2. There are absolutely no possible side dishes for tonight's dinner
  3. Kindermusik starts in 10 minutes
  4. The baby is taking a great big poop

Monday, May 14, 2007


Cleverness is what brings me back to the blogs I enjoy reading. I consider myself to be clever in conversations, instant messages, message boards, boring meetings, etc., but I am just not there yet when it comes to blogging. Aside from the narcissistic assumption that someone is actually reading this, it's difficult to consider my one sided postings as a conversation. Maybe I need to start replying to myself!


With all the hype about white screens using more energy and hurting the environment, I've decided to go green.

Friday, May 11, 2007


I know this is the dream of many, but I am finding it so challenging. While I love my work, I find it extremely difficult to find the hours I need to do my work. My neighbor is a nanny and I asked her for advice. She said that even with a nanny, it is next to impossible to work at home while your children are there. Even when I have help and close myself in my office, I find that I open the door when I hear the baby make any little sound.
I need to figure out if the problem is that I am too attached to the baby and worried about leaving him with others, or if I am just a control freak and have to do things my way!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

My Nightmare

Last night I had the worst, most vivid nightmare of my life. I was in a medical clinic or ER or something like that. My OB was sitting at a little desk and called over to me, "Jennifer Jones, I don't know what is wrong with you!" I thought he was making a joke. I walked over and he was shaking his head. He said all this time he had been treating me to try to save a baby, when he had really been treating the wrong thing and could have been making it worse.
He told me I was dying and I wouldn't see my children grow up. He said I shouldn't even be standing up, but should be in bed. He explained that he didn't know what was wrong or how to treat it, but he knew I could not continue to live with this condition. I thought to myself that I had hope. I had a healthy baby. I had a different perspective and maybe I could help him find out what was wrong.
He showed me films of my lungs. On the right side, there was a huge area that was basically gone, except for these criss-crossing bars of tissues he called "towel bars," because they looked like a towel bar. He didn't know what they were, but knew I couldn't live with so much missing tissue.
He explained that they had been doing a file audit and he found the x-rays from when I had been in the hospital for pre-term labor. Apparently, they hadn't been reviewed at the time. We talked about whether or not what I had had always been there or whether it was progressive. We discussed whether it was disease, injury, etc. We were calm and methodical, trying to think of everything we could test for. We both decided I needed to be hospitalized and I probably did not have much longer to live.
I talked to Brian and we decided I should spend all the time I had left in bed with Zaeden just cuddling and nursing him and playing so he would have as much time with his mother as possible. Ivy and Brian would stay in the room with us so we could be together as a family for the time I had left. For fun, I fantasized about how Brian should spend my life insurance money. He was angry at first and then realized it was the only lighthearted, silly thing in my life at the time. I told him that once I was gone, he could get a cute, young nanny!
The dream was so real. When I woke up, I was crying and it took a long time to go back to sleep. I'm still worried because I tend to have dreams come true on occasion.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Men with Babies

Men with babies are just HOT! I love seeing Brian with the baby. He is such a proud daddy. Tomorrow he goes back to work. While I've been wishing for this for a long time, I will miss seeing him with his son. Zaeden loves to be with the whole family. He looks all around and fusses if someone walks away, especially his "Di." That's what he calls Brian. I know they will miss each other.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

My Big Boy

Zaeden had his 6 month checkup today. He's 19 1/2 pounds and 26 or so inches, Brian doesn't remember. I had my own appointment that overlapped his by a bit so I wasn't there for the measuring. I was there for the shots! Poor little guy. He was so brave. I held his hands and Brian held his feet and he just stared at us and the nurse with his curious little gaze. He thought something fun was going to happen. He didn't cry as much as I expected, but it was still heartbreaking.
I had my blood pressure checked and the doc is happy with my tracking of it. She's not going to adjust my medication at all. I got lab orders to have my clotting disorder checked, along with others. I haven't had it checked since Zaeden was born. I really want to know if I have Antiphospholipid syndrome all the time, or if it was pregnancy induced. I think I would feel differently about myself knowing I don't have a disease.